“Why is this so hard?!” “I can’t do this.” “I want to quit.” “What was I thinking, signing up for a half marathon? I can’t even run 6 miles!” “I should just forget it. I can’t do it.” This is the cold, negative, logical (or so I thought) side of me. This is the person that so many of us have a tendency to become as we get older. Something happens to us as we become adults. We forget how to dream, how to wish, how to believe anything is possible. Whatever happened to the girl who dreamed…the one who believed I could do anything? I’ve realized something lately. She’s still in there. When a run gets difficult, and I don’t want to go on, I dig deep and I hear her. She says “Keep going.” “Never give up.” “Believe.” “You can do this.” I press on, and I finish. Maybe not as fast as I would have liked, maybe not as…comfortably as I would have liked, but I finish. Deep down, I knew I could. God absolutely knew I could (and would), but sometimes that old negativity comes to the surface and seems so much louder.
When things get difficult, I am trying to bring out that dreamer, the girl who believes I can do anything. I can be an adult with all of this life experience, but I can be a dreamer, a believer, a wisher as well. This is the person God wants me to be. Little by little, this is the person I am becoming..
In the past few weeks, I experienced two major events in my health and fitness journey. I finished my first 5K, and I reached my goal weight. I crossed a finish line of sorts, for both. At the same time, I feel like both were more of a beginning than an end.
As many of you know, I was not a runner until recently. It was something I thought I never could do…never wanted to do, and yet on March 16, 2013, I ran my first 5K. I not only ran most of it, but I achieved a personal best time. I know in my heart that this was only the beginning of my journey as a runner. Where it will take me, I’m not sure, but I know there are many training runs and many more races in my future.
Today was the final “official” weigh-in of my weight loss journey. I not only met, but exceeded my goal. In total, I have lost 116.6 pounds in 14 months. When I started, deep down, I’m not sure I thought I would finish. It has only been in the last few months that I realized, “Hey! I’m going to finish this thing!” The truth is, I will never be “finished.” I did reach my goal, and closed that particular chapter in my journey…but this is only the beginning of a new chapter. Now I move into a new phase of my life. I enter maintenance mode, where I will learn how to tweak my eating and exercise. I’m a little nervous, but mostly excited. I certainly know how to lose weight. I’ve done it more times than I can count. Keeping it off will be a whole new challenge for me…one that I am really excited to take on.
As for this blog, I have a lot of ideas for this new chapter. I look forward to sharing what I learn each step of the way. I am beyond grateful to God for the change in my heart and mind that brought me here, and to all of you for your prayers, support, and encouragement. I am excited to experience all the new adventures God has in store for me, and take all of you along. If you have any questions, suggestions for future posts, or if you just need some support, you know where to find me! Off to the starting line…ready, set, go!
It was just brought to my attention that the link was inaccurate in my last blog! I apologize for the confusion! The link to the Scentsy party fundraiser is below. Make sure you click on the link to my party. We only have a week or so left, so if you are interested, please check it out!
Scentsy Party for Give Kids the World!
As many of you know, I am doing a weight loss challenge fundraiser for a wonderful organization called Give Kids the World. I am very close to my goal, so it will be ending soon! I have an exciting new way for people to donate!
My awesome new friend Patty has offered to have a Scentsy party on her website for my Give Kids the World fundraiser! 20% of all sales will go to Give Kids the World! Scentsy Party for Give Kids the World
You can also donate directly through firstgiving.org using the widget on the right or the following link Kendra’s Give Kids the World Weight Loss Challenge
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would really appreciate your support through donations, thoughts, prayers, or helping to spread the word.
Being over a year and over 100 pounds into this journey, one would think I was close to being finished. The truth is, I am just beginning. First, I will give you a little bit of back story. When I was growing up, I was always confident in my academic ability. Athletic ability? Not so much. I said a lot of “I can’t…”and “I’m not…” Deep down, I knew I couldn’t do it, so I just didn’t try very hard. I was too afraid of getting embarrassed in front of everyone, and I knew I would fail anyway, so why bother to try? This of course led to years and years of sedentary life, and…well…you know how that story goes.
Flash forward to last year, when I started this journey. Step by step, I began to believe in myself again. I got stronger, I got more confident, and I felt like I could accomplish so much more than I ever thought possible. Even after all of that, I still caught myself saying “I can’t.”
“I can’t run.” “I’m not a runner.” I would see people running 5Ks, half marathons, or marathons and think, “I wish I could do that.” Several months ago, I tried running, but it was just as difficult as I thought I would be, so I gave up. I still looked at all of those runners and wished I was one of them, but time passed, and I didn’t think about it quite as much. A few weeks ago, I thought about it again. I decided I wanted to do a 5K. “I’ll have to walk it. I can’t run.” Suddenly I realized something. Years and years of saying “I can’t,” was what led me to becoming over 100 pounds overweight. I decided then and there that I would stop saying I couldn’t do things. I would at least try. If I failed, at least I would know that I had given it my best effort. So, I am now on week three of the Couch to 5K program. I ran for three minutes straight at a 5.0 today. When you consider the fact that several months ago, I could barely run for a minute at a time without feeling like I would fall off of the treadmill, I think that’s progress. I am going to do that 5K, and I am going to run at least part of it. I’m not putting pressure on myself, but I’m doing my best. That is definitely the girl I want to be. I like her. I think she’s got potential.
As we’re getting closer to the New Year, it is resolution time for so many. I know a lot of you are thinking, “It’s too close to Christmas. I can’t start trying to lose weight now. I’ll start January 1.” January 1 comes, and you say, “I’m too tired….I’m not ready…I am too busy…[insert excuse here]…” You say, “I’ll start Monday.” Monday comes, and…well…you know the rest. You repeat this cycle over and over again, throughout the year, until it is Christmastime again. That Monday never comes, or if it does, you quit and then start all over. Forget all of that. Make a commitment to start over today. I don’t care if it is close to Christmas, if it is a Tuesday, a Saturday, or if it is 10 o’clock at night. Start NOW. There will always be plenty of excuses. If you wait for the day you have no excuses, you will be waiting forever.
This doesn’t have to be such a stressful process. I am on Christmas vacation right now myself. I am still enjoying meals with family and friends. I am still allowing myself treats. I’m just doing the best I can. Use vegetables as fillers and eat smaller portions of the “treat” foods. Get movement into your day whenever you can. This is your life, not a short-term crash diet. You can do this. If I can, I know you can. Believe in yourself.
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11
Though I have always believed this, I haven’t been the best about practicing it. I know God has a plan. Always have. I just always took it upon myself to worry (sometimes constantly) about what that plan was, and whether I would be able to handle the outcome. The thing is…God already knows the end. He already knows you can handle the outcome. Not only can you handle it, but you will come out the other side stronger. You will come out the other side closer to the person He wants you to be. I used to think I knew who I was. I was the quiet one. I was the fat girl. I liked to eat and I didn’t like to move. This is why I failed so many times at losing weight. Being fit just wasn’t who I was. At least that’s what I thought.
I am so grateful that God knows more than I do. He knows who I really am, even when I don’t. These past several months, He has been revealing it to me. I am a healthy person. I enjoy being active and eating healthy food. I not only love doing all of those things, I love talking about them! My comfort zone was always to hide…to stay invisible. If no one noticed me, and if I never talked about it, no one would know I was fat. It would be my little secret. God has been pushing me so far out of my comfort zone with this new life. He is making me realize that with Him, I am capable of more than I ever thought possible. I can be strong. I can be brave. I can be anything.
When you have spent the majority of your life overweight, you tend to look back at your life with anger and frustration. “Why did I do this to myself? How did I let it get this far? I wasted so much time.” These are all things I used to say to myself over and over. It was a new way to feel badly about myself. I didn’t feel badly about my body anymore, so I could feel badly about the body I used to have. God taught me something recently….and by recently, I mean today. Do I truly believe that I am becoming the person I was always meant to be? Yes, I do. If I really believe that, I have to accept that the person I used to be was all a part of God’s plan. That girl is a part of me and always will be. Everything I went through, everything I put myself through, has brought me to this day…this very moment. God knew I would get here before I was even born. He knows me through and through. Instead of regretting my past, I will thank God for my past. My past brought me here, to a place I never thought I could go. Truthfully, I never knew it was a place I wanted to go. I am eternally grateful that He did. “For I know the plans I have for you…” Thank you, Lord, for creating beauty from what I thought was a mess. For making me…me.
Happy Monday, everyone! I am just checking in again to update you on my weigh-in! I have now lost 81 pounds total! I should be on track to lose 100 pounds in a year. I had a brief setback, but I am moving onward and upward again. Please feel free to share your weight loss goals and progress in the comments or on my Facebook page!
As many of you know, the past several weeks were difficult for me. My energy levels were low and I had my first gain in several months. After a lot of thought, reflection, and prayer, I have realized something. I was thinking waaaaaay too much. Yes, we need to be mindful of what we eat. Yes, we need to make sure we have enough protein, whole grains, fruit, and vegetables. However, I think the problem was that I was thinking about it so much and trying to make everything so perfect, I was completely negating what I was trying to accomplish. The goal here is a lifestyle change. It is overall health and well-being. If I am driving myself crazy about every little thing I am doing, it defeats the purpose. I started thinking about what was so successful the last seven months, and what had changed. I used to try my best to eat well and exercise. That was good enough. A few weeks ago, I let old self creep back in a little. Not to the point that I wanted to quit, but I was making this much more stressful than it should be. No more! In the last two weeks, I am back to trying my best and allowing rest days without feeling guilty. I feel better, my weight is coming off again, and I am back to working out regularly.
The next time I feel myself over-thinking, I am going to re-read this and take my own advice. Thank you for taking another trip inside my brain and hanging in there with me! I have some exciting posts with healthy eating tips coming up!
I used to struggle so much with losing weight and being healthy. I would say, “I just like to eat and I hate to exercise. This is who I am.” Every time I would try to lose weight, I failed. I failed because every moment of healthy eating and exercise was drudgery. I thought I was forcing myself to be someone I wasn’t. When you are trying to force yourself into a box you don’t feel like you fit in, you will either be miserable, or you’ll never be able to keep it up. This is why I always set myself up for failure.
Back in January, when I started this journey, God opened my eyes. Little by little, as I just put my head down and did the work, it wasn’t drudgery any more. It became something I enjoyed doing. I like finding healthy things to eat that taste good. I like working out. I like talking about health and fitness. Months into this process, I have realized THIS is the person I always was deep down. For the first time since I was a kid, I look in the mirror and like who I see….not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I don’t even recognize that lazy, unhealthy girl. The girl I am now is who I was always meant to be, and she’s not going anywhere.